Be careful with your opening paragraph - please re-write in shorter sharper sentences
Paragraph 2: Before any filming can be 'done' OR 'before filming can progress' Several key 'things' OR 'several key elements' before it is 'put out' to the public OR before 'it goes live'
All your sentences can be shortened! Rather than write EVERY WORD you speak try and condense your sentences to shorter, sharper ones.
Rather than cut and paste work - re-write in your own words OR reference where you are getting the information from and make sure it is obvious the quote is not yours!
'We use media to fulfil our needs this theory focuses on.......' FULL STOPS ARE NEEDED!!
Link each theory with your advert or the adverts you have studied. Pick sections out as 'proof' you understand the theory.
When discussing the hypodermic needle bring in examples - such as 'the columbine massacre' and the effect 'Grand theft auto' has had on young people with regard to violent behaviour. James Bulger was blamed on media injecting ideas into the boys heads.
You need to look at the font in your essay - it is clear where you have 'copied' due to the font being different!
Be careful with your opening paragraph - please re-write in shorter sharper sentences
ReplyDeleteParagraph 2: Before any filming can be 'done' OR 'before filming can progress'
Several key 'things' OR 'several key elements'
before it is 'put out' to the public OR before 'it goes live'
All your sentences can be shortened! Rather than write EVERY WORD you speak try and condense your sentences to shorter, sharper ones.
Rather than cut and paste work - re-write in your own words OR reference where you are getting the information from and make sure it is obvious the quote is not yours!
'We use media to fulfil our needs this theory focuses on.......' FULL STOPS ARE NEEDED!!
Link each theory with your advert or the adverts you have studied. Pick sections out as 'proof' you understand the theory.
When discussing the hypodermic needle bring in examples - such as 'the columbine massacre' and the effect 'Grand theft auto' has had on young people with regard to violent behaviour. James Bulger was blamed on media injecting ideas into the boys heads.
You need to look at the font in your essay - it is clear where you have 'copied' due to the font being different!
Re-read / re-write last paragraph please.